just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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