Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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