At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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