Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
