Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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