If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish you could order shots online.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
