I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
