you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
