If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
