Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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