Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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