I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
