so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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