Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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