I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
