your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
only if we run a train.
done.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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