I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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