After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
