i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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