My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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