it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
