You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
time to smoke my breakfast
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
