I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
