If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize