one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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