i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
