Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
