You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
