Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
