I'm eating all of the evidence.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
