never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
try to milk me bitch
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