dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
