I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
