Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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