You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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