Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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