But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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