someone get that fucking seahorse.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
