im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
