I faked an abortion last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
