Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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