Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
