so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
