...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
