I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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