and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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