ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
