I've blown a few things in my day
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
