WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what day is it and did you see me today?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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