Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
