barbara walters just said penis...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Are my feet made of real feet?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
