He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
