So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
