Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two words...techno handjob
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
