i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
