He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
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My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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