things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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