sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
