In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
