So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
