I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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