You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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