I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
