he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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