on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
