it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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