forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
