There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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