dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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