i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
