I just threw up on my dentist
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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