just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
